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frogs_of_warI'm listening to The Circular Staircase, a suspense story written in 1907. It calls itself a mystery, but almost every scene starts with foreshadowing. It's written as if the reader knows the ending to this mystery and the narrator is simply filling in the pieces. She made one allusion to the big thing that happened on June 7th, and I think the story is set in May, but I'm not sure, so I'll just have to wait.
Listening to all old book is a study in language. The author uses a lot of words in ways we don't any more. When a man ejaculates, she only means he's exclaiming, intercourse only means talking, that kind of thing.
My biggest problem with the story, isn't the story at all. It's my phone. For some reason it thinks it's a good idea to play the first 17 tracks, then track 21, 22, 18, 23- 25, 19, 26-29, 32. At first I didn't realize what was happening, then I tried to find the next track when each ended. I'm going to try taking all the books off and then putting this one back on and seeing if that works. Of course if I could figure out how to put a playlist on my phone this wouldn't be a problem.
Title: His Two Selfish Men
Series: A Balance of Harmonies (Three)
Status: Chapter forty-two of so many
Genre: m/m romance, drama, city life, businessmen
Rating: R
Content: coming home, promises, cleaning up, standards, breeching the subject, confessing, contact, a plan, comfort, and an apology
Length: about 1,900 words
Summary: Kurt comes home to dinner and more. Peregrine has a painful conversation. Emil accepts an apology.
Master list
Kurt didn’t bother going up to the condo after work. Peregrine had texted that they were at the old place. He’d also left some cryptic remark about their needing to talk. Whatever that was about.
Outside wasn’t as hot as it had been, but the old apartment was like a furnace. Emil threw his arms around Kurt, kissed him, and welcomed him home. Over Emil’s shoulder, Peregrine gave Kurt a look that might mean Emil needed attention or it might mean something else. Kurt was sure to hear about it later. He turned his attention to Emil. “So, Beautiful, what are you making me for dinner?”
“Boring old burritos,” Emil sighed. “I couldn’t think of anything else.”
“Nothing you make is boring.” Kurt kissed his neck. Emil’s sigh spoke of many wonders to come. Kurt couldn’t wait. He kissed Emil again then sucked on his delicious earlobe. Emil giggled and shook his head. Kurt let him get away.
Emil took two steps toward the kitchen and turned around with grin. “You hungry?”
Kurt licked his lips and he dragged his eyes up Emil. “Always.”
Emil laughed. “For food.”
Kurt put his hand over his heart. “Fill me with your deliciousness.”
Emil grinned with his tongue showing. “That will have to wait until after supper.”
Kurt hoped that was a promise.
--
Peregrine looked around his studio. What was the point in using up all these canvases? He would just pack it all up and move it over. Mike might let him barrow the van. Only Mike might decide to ‘help’ and then expect full access to the new condo. That wasn’t going to happen. Maybe Peregrine should just rent a van.
He washed his brushes out in the kitchen sink, then as they dried, he filled the sink to wash the dinner dishes. He glanced in at his men. They were entertaining themselves quite well. He scrubbed the dishes, wiped down the counter, swept the floor and then glanced back in. They had stopped making noise some time ago. Kurt was blinking himself awake. Emil was sleeping the rest of the well sated.
Peregrine gestured that Kurt should get up without waking Emil. He took his own sweet time about it, so Peregrine went back to his studio to wait.
He sorted the canvases. Twelve were totally untouched, six were sketched on, but at least one of those he was going to paint over. He had a better idea of what it should be now. Three painting that were in various stages of incompletion, two were only missing that last spark to be compete, and four were waiting to be taken to Mike’s gallery. If it weren’t for the door one, he’d just have Kurt take them over.
Kurt came in and leaned on the table. He wore his button down shirt over his boxers, the least amount any civilized person should wear even in their own house. Not that Kurt didn’t have cute butt cheeks, but Peregrine had to have standards. Only he couldn’t quite remember why.
After ignoring Kurt for a while, Peregrine turned. “Is he asleep?”
“He was when I left him.” Kurt stepped out for a moment. “He still is. You said we needed to talk.”
How in the world did Peregrine even say this? He took a deep breath. “I discovered something about Emil today that maybe I should have realized long ago.”
Kurt nodded as if this were acceptable, which it totally wasn’t.
Peregrine turned back to his paintings.
“And?” asked Kurt.
Peregrine shook his head. This wasn’t about him. It was about Emil. “He doesn’t tell the person he has a problem with that he has a problem at all.”
“And?”
Peregrine sighed and crossed the room. He felt so tiny leaning against the table beside Kurt, but that might have been one of the thousand reasons he loved him. “His feelings were hurt today.”
“What did I do?”
Peregrine’s heart was cold and hard in his chest. How could he hurt one man he loved to help another? He was a horrible boyfriend.
Kurt set his hand on Peregrine’s arm. “What did I do?”
The big lug looked so worried. Peregrine took his hand. He needed to be touching Kurt or he’d never get the words out. “Maybe we should sit down.”
Kurt’s shoulders slumped. “It’s that bad?”
Peregrine shook his head and tried not to grin at his poor, big, honest boy. “I need you to hold me.”
A second later Peregrine was in Kurt’s arms. “Like this?”
Kurt settled on the floor with his back against the wall. “Now tell me.”
Peregrine rubbed his cheek against Kurt’s strong arm. “I don’t even know if I’m doing the right thing.” He took a deep breath. “Emil was unhappy that you talked to your colleagues about our sex lives.”
Kurt stiffened. “I thought he’d be happy I was out at work. Meeting Zawadzki the first time made him really nervous.”
Peregrine sure hoped he was right about this. “I don’t think it’s them knowing. I think it’s more them knowing who stuck what where.”
Kurt sagged. “Chambers.” He lifted Peregrine off his lap. “I have to go apologize.”
Peregrine held on tight. “You will do no such thing.”
Kurt sat back down. “Why?”
“You are going to go to work tomorrow and tell your nosy colleagues if they want to know any more about what happens with us behind closed door they can go to Mike’s gallery; Emil says he’s fine with my depictions of sex. And then you’re going to come home tomorrow and tell Emil what you told those guys at work.”
“You think that’s better than walking in there and apologizing.”
“I do.”
“Why?”
“Because then it will look like you thought about it and decided it was best instead of me telling you that you didn’t notice you’d hurt him.”
“And we don’t want him to know I’m as inept as I am, why?”
“Because he told me not to talk to you about it.”
Kurt sucked in a gigantic breath and blew it out slowly. “He told you that?”
“He was sure he was overreacting.”
“He doesn’t want to rock the boat. Keith says he’s always waiting to hear that you don’t want him anymore.”
Knives stabbed Peregrine’s heart, lungs, liver, and kidneys then spilled his guts all over the floor. He wiped tears from his cheeks. He’d just died. Been killed with words. “I’d…” He choked on a sob. “I’d never.”
Kurt petted his head. “I know that. Emil might know that too, but his past tells him to be prepared. He saves his money for that day.”
Peregrine rubbed his eyes on Kurt’s shirt. He hated crying. It was so undignified. He blinked the tears back and sat up. “So what did I do?”
Kurt touched Peregrine’s cheek, but said nothing.
Peregrine leaned into the caress. “What have I done that he’s told you about? He’s got to have complained. All those times I hurt him.”
Kurt cuddled him as if Peregrine was a teddy bear that Kurt couldn’t live without, which despite his itchy eyes, stuffy nose, and wet cheeks, made Peregrine feel a hundred times better.
“He’s…” Kurt sighed. “You’re right. This is hard. He’s unhappy that you didn’t involve him in the purchase of the condo.”
“But he would have said no.”
“Which was his right.”
“But if we didn’t get his balcony… I could have a studio anywhere.”
“Maybe he didn’t see it that way.”
Peregrine lolled his head back. “Do you think he’ll forgive me?”
“Yes. He probably already has. He decided he wants to buy the northeast condo.”
“Spend some of his hard earned money keeping us together?” Peregrine sighed. “I don’t feel have as guilty as I did a minute ago.”
Kurt grunted a laugh. “You!”
“Me.” Peregrine sat up and straddled Kurt’s lap. “What are you gonna do about it?”
Kurt kissed him. Peregrine one upped that. Just because he wasn’t ready to come himself didn’t mean he wasn’t willing to see his lover lost in ecstasy.
--
Emil woke to a lover on each side of him. Kurt, asleep or nearly so, was snuggling his back. Peregrine lay on his side, playing with Emil’s hair. He had something different about him. He had been bigger this morning than Emil remembered him being in all their time together. Maybe Kurt had healed what he’d broken so long ago. Something Emil couldn’t do no matter how hard he tried over the last six years. A small sigh escaped him.
Peregrine smiled down. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t.”
Peregrine grinned wider. He laid a gentle kiss on Emil’s lips. “I just want to apologize.”
Emil shifted a bit. Kurt’s arm snaked across Emil’s waist. Emil petted it. “For what?”
“I was a jerk.”
Emil tried to sit up, but Kurt wouldn’t let him. He settled from propping himself on his elbow. “You were never a jerk.”
Peregrine twisted a hair away from Emil’s face. “I’m always a jerk. I love that you don’t notice that.”
“Don’t say that.”
Peregrine kissed Emil’s fingers. “I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you about buying the condo.”
Emil shook his head. “That’s all right. It was a lovely gift.”
Peregrine grinned. “That’s very nice of you to say even if it is a lie.”
“Peregrine.” How could he think that?
Peregrine put his hand on his heart. “I’m reformed now. I swear I’ll never hurt you again.”
Emil pushed gently on Peregrine’s shoulder. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”
Peregrine lay back with a sigh. “I’m afraid I did. I knew you’d tell us not to buy it.”
“I didn’t need that balcony.”
“See,” Peregrine sat back up, “I think you do.”
“Why?” Emil wasn’t some spoiled boy that needed everything he saw.
Peregrine twisted his finger through Emil’s hair and kissed the lock. “I need you to have that balcony. I need to paint you on it, to see your face when you look out at the view, when you run your hands along the bumpy stone. I very selfishly decided that I couldn’t live without making love to you on it then wrapping you in a red silk robe and painting you as the wind blew through your hair, the wind coming close but never quite revealing what was under that robe, your cheeks pink with afterglow, but your eyes sad as you gaze into the distance as you watch your lover march off to war.”
Emil lay back on the bed and closed his eye, a smile pulling at his lips. Peregrine had really thought it out. Emil felt sexy and well loved. “Very selfish.”
Peregrine leaned down and kissed him gently. Emil deepened the kiss. The only parts of them touching were their mouths, but Emil tried to make every inch of skin touching worth fifty. Much too soon Peregrine pulled away with a sigh. He brushed his fingers through Emil’s hair. “I love you too. Goodnight.”
Emil watched him leave then closed his eyes and snuggled deeper against Kurt, who molded against him. His two selfish men. The funny thing was that he found he didn’t mind.
Listening to all old book is a study in language. The author uses a lot of words in ways we don't any more. When a man ejaculates, she only means he's exclaiming, intercourse only means talking, that kind of thing.
My biggest problem with the story, isn't the story at all. It's my phone. For some reason it thinks it's a good idea to play the first 17 tracks, then track 21, 22, 18, 23- 25, 19, 26-29, 32. At first I didn't realize what was happening, then I tried to find the next track when each ended. I'm going to try taking all the books off and then putting this one back on and seeing if that works. Of course if I could figure out how to put a playlist on my phone this wouldn't be a problem.
Title: His Two Selfish Men
Series: A Balance of Harmonies (Three)
Status: Chapter forty-two of so many
Genre: m/m romance, drama, city life, businessmen
Rating: R
Content: coming home, promises, cleaning up, standards, breeching the subject, confessing, contact, a plan, comfort, and an apology
Length: about 1,900 words
Summary: Kurt comes home to dinner and more. Peregrine has a painful conversation. Emil accepts an apology.
Master list
Kurt didn’t bother going up to the condo after work. Peregrine had texted that they were at the old place. He’d also left some cryptic remark about their needing to talk. Whatever that was about.
Outside wasn’t as hot as it had been, but the old apartment was like a furnace. Emil threw his arms around Kurt, kissed him, and welcomed him home. Over Emil’s shoulder, Peregrine gave Kurt a look that might mean Emil needed attention or it might mean something else. Kurt was sure to hear about it later. He turned his attention to Emil. “So, Beautiful, what are you making me for dinner?”
“Boring old burritos,” Emil sighed. “I couldn’t think of anything else.”
“Nothing you make is boring.” Kurt kissed his neck. Emil’s sigh spoke of many wonders to come. Kurt couldn’t wait. He kissed Emil again then sucked on his delicious earlobe. Emil giggled and shook his head. Kurt let him get away.
Emil took two steps toward the kitchen and turned around with grin. “You hungry?”
Kurt licked his lips and he dragged his eyes up Emil. “Always.”
Emil laughed. “For food.”
Kurt put his hand over his heart. “Fill me with your deliciousness.”
Emil grinned with his tongue showing. “That will have to wait until after supper.”
Kurt hoped that was a promise.
--
Peregrine looked around his studio. What was the point in using up all these canvases? He would just pack it all up and move it over. Mike might let him barrow the van. Only Mike might decide to ‘help’ and then expect full access to the new condo. That wasn’t going to happen. Maybe Peregrine should just rent a van.
He washed his brushes out in the kitchen sink, then as they dried, he filled the sink to wash the dinner dishes. He glanced in at his men. They were entertaining themselves quite well. He scrubbed the dishes, wiped down the counter, swept the floor and then glanced back in. They had stopped making noise some time ago. Kurt was blinking himself awake. Emil was sleeping the rest of the well sated.
Peregrine gestured that Kurt should get up without waking Emil. He took his own sweet time about it, so Peregrine went back to his studio to wait.
He sorted the canvases. Twelve were totally untouched, six were sketched on, but at least one of those he was going to paint over. He had a better idea of what it should be now. Three painting that were in various stages of incompletion, two were only missing that last spark to be compete, and four were waiting to be taken to Mike’s gallery. If it weren’t for the door one, he’d just have Kurt take them over.
Kurt came in and leaned on the table. He wore his button down shirt over his boxers, the least amount any civilized person should wear even in their own house. Not that Kurt didn’t have cute butt cheeks, but Peregrine had to have standards. Only he couldn’t quite remember why.
After ignoring Kurt for a while, Peregrine turned. “Is he asleep?”
“He was when I left him.” Kurt stepped out for a moment. “He still is. You said we needed to talk.”
How in the world did Peregrine even say this? He took a deep breath. “I discovered something about Emil today that maybe I should have realized long ago.”
Kurt nodded as if this were acceptable, which it totally wasn’t.
Peregrine turned back to his paintings.
“And?” asked Kurt.
Peregrine shook his head. This wasn’t about him. It was about Emil. “He doesn’t tell the person he has a problem with that he has a problem at all.”
“And?”
Peregrine sighed and crossed the room. He felt so tiny leaning against the table beside Kurt, but that might have been one of the thousand reasons he loved him. “His feelings were hurt today.”
“What did I do?”
Peregrine’s heart was cold and hard in his chest. How could he hurt one man he loved to help another? He was a horrible boyfriend.
Kurt set his hand on Peregrine’s arm. “What did I do?”
The big lug looked so worried. Peregrine took his hand. He needed to be touching Kurt or he’d never get the words out. “Maybe we should sit down.”
Kurt’s shoulders slumped. “It’s that bad?”
Peregrine shook his head and tried not to grin at his poor, big, honest boy. “I need you to hold me.”
A second later Peregrine was in Kurt’s arms. “Like this?”
Kurt settled on the floor with his back against the wall. “Now tell me.”
Peregrine rubbed his cheek against Kurt’s strong arm. “I don’t even know if I’m doing the right thing.” He took a deep breath. “Emil was unhappy that you talked to your colleagues about our sex lives.”
Kurt stiffened. “I thought he’d be happy I was out at work. Meeting Zawadzki the first time made him really nervous.”
Peregrine sure hoped he was right about this. “I don’t think it’s them knowing. I think it’s more them knowing who stuck what where.”
Kurt sagged. “Chambers.” He lifted Peregrine off his lap. “I have to go apologize.”
Peregrine held on tight. “You will do no such thing.”
Kurt sat back down. “Why?”
“You are going to go to work tomorrow and tell your nosy colleagues if they want to know any more about what happens with us behind closed door they can go to Mike’s gallery; Emil says he’s fine with my depictions of sex. And then you’re going to come home tomorrow and tell Emil what you told those guys at work.”
“You think that’s better than walking in there and apologizing.”
“I do.”
“Why?”
“Because then it will look like you thought about it and decided it was best instead of me telling you that you didn’t notice you’d hurt him.”
“And we don’t want him to know I’m as inept as I am, why?”
“Because he told me not to talk to you about it.”
Kurt sucked in a gigantic breath and blew it out slowly. “He told you that?”
“He was sure he was overreacting.”
“He doesn’t want to rock the boat. Keith says he’s always waiting to hear that you don’t want him anymore.”
Knives stabbed Peregrine’s heart, lungs, liver, and kidneys then spilled his guts all over the floor. He wiped tears from his cheeks. He’d just died. Been killed with words. “I’d…” He choked on a sob. “I’d never.”
Kurt petted his head. “I know that. Emil might know that too, but his past tells him to be prepared. He saves his money for that day.”
Peregrine rubbed his eyes on Kurt’s shirt. He hated crying. It was so undignified. He blinked the tears back and sat up. “So what did I do?”
Kurt touched Peregrine’s cheek, but said nothing.
Peregrine leaned into the caress. “What have I done that he’s told you about? He’s got to have complained. All those times I hurt him.”
Kurt cuddled him as if Peregrine was a teddy bear that Kurt couldn’t live without, which despite his itchy eyes, stuffy nose, and wet cheeks, made Peregrine feel a hundred times better.
“He’s…” Kurt sighed. “You’re right. This is hard. He’s unhappy that you didn’t involve him in the purchase of the condo.”
“But he would have said no.”
“Which was his right.”
“But if we didn’t get his balcony… I could have a studio anywhere.”
“Maybe he didn’t see it that way.”
Peregrine lolled his head back. “Do you think he’ll forgive me?”
“Yes. He probably already has. He decided he wants to buy the northeast condo.”
“Spend some of his hard earned money keeping us together?” Peregrine sighed. “I don’t feel have as guilty as I did a minute ago.”
Kurt grunted a laugh. “You!”
“Me.” Peregrine sat up and straddled Kurt’s lap. “What are you gonna do about it?”
Kurt kissed him. Peregrine one upped that. Just because he wasn’t ready to come himself didn’t mean he wasn’t willing to see his lover lost in ecstasy.
--
Emil woke to a lover on each side of him. Kurt, asleep or nearly so, was snuggling his back. Peregrine lay on his side, playing with Emil’s hair. He had something different about him. He had been bigger this morning than Emil remembered him being in all their time together. Maybe Kurt had healed what he’d broken so long ago. Something Emil couldn’t do no matter how hard he tried over the last six years. A small sigh escaped him.
Peregrine smiled down. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t.”
Peregrine grinned wider. He laid a gentle kiss on Emil’s lips. “I just want to apologize.”
Emil shifted a bit. Kurt’s arm snaked across Emil’s waist. Emil petted it. “For what?”
“I was a jerk.”
Emil tried to sit up, but Kurt wouldn’t let him. He settled from propping himself on his elbow. “You were never a jerk.”
Peregrine twisted a hair away from Emil’s face. “I’m always a jerk. I love that you don’t notice that.”
“Don’t say that.”
Peregrine kissed Emil’s fingers. “I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you about buying the condo.”
Emil shook his head. “That’s all right. It was a lovely gift.”
Peregrine grinned. “That’s very nice of you to say even if it is a lie.”
“Peregrine.” How could he think that?
Peregrine put his hand on his heart. “I’m reformed now. I swear I’ll never hurt you again.”
Emil pushed gently on Peregrine’s shoulder. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”
Peregrine lay back with a sigh. “I’m afraid I did. I knew you’d tell us not to buy it.”
“I didn’t need that balcony.”
“See,” Peregrine sat back up, “I think you do.”
“Why?” Emil wasn’t some spoiled boy that needed everything he saw.
Peregrine twisted his finger through Emil’s hair and kissed the lock. “I need you to have that balcony. I need to paint you on it, to see your face when you look out at the view, when you run your hands along the bumpy stone. I very selfishly decided that I couldn’t live without making love to you on it then wrapping you in a red silk robe and painting you as the wind blew through your hair, the wind coming close but never quite revealing what was under that robe, your cheeks pink with afterglow, but your eyes sad as you gaze into the distance as you watch your lover march off to war.”
Emil lay back on the bed and closed his eye, a smile pulling at his lips. Peregrine had really thought it out. Emil felt sexy and well loved. “Very selfish.”
Peregrine leaned down and kissed him gently. Emil deepened the kiss. The only parts of them touching were their mouths, but Emil tried to make every inch of skin touching worth fifty. Much too soon Peregrine pulled away with a sigh. He brushed his fingers through Emil’s hair. “I love you too. Goodnight.”
Emil watched him leave then closed his eyes and snuggled deeper against Kurt, who molded against him. His two selfish men. The funny thing was that he found he didn’t mind.
