A Balance of Harmonies: Sleep in Peace
Dec. 4th, 2011 02:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
frogs_of_warI like this story and these characters and once I sit down to write, I have no trouble filling a chapter or two, but lately I’ve found it harder and harder to sit down and write. I chalk it up to being busy myself and the fact that most people are too busy with their own lives to read and review. I’m an immediate ratification kind of person, so I don’t like doing things that don’t give me pleasure, which might be one reason I’m getting later and later at posting chapters.
I’m going to finish, mostly because I want to know how it ends, but all the other stories I’ve written/am working on may never see the light of day — even the ones that cross paths with this one — unless I can get the motivation to work on Harmonies more often.
Title: Sleep in Peace
Series: A Balance of Harmonies (Three)
Status: Chapter forty-nine of more than a few
Genre: m/m romance, drama, city life, businessmen
Rating: R
Content: dancing, ladies, switching, choices, questions, sleep, jealousy, frumpiness, talking it out, cuddling
Length: about 3,200 words
Summary: Kurt introduces Hunter to the ladies. Peregrine has a conversation. Emil remembers being a child.
Master list
Kurt stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for the ladies to arrive. Emil and Liam were showing off some swing dance steps for Hunter. He’d been assured that he didn’t have to dance, but if he’s wanted to, he could. Hunter’s laugher joined the other two’s. Keith grinned. “I hope to hear more of that.”
Kurt nodded.
Olivia appeared at the top of the steps. She was in a dark wig that was almost as long as her dress. Kurt waved up at her. She blushed and disappeared.
“My sweet little girl.”
Keith’s voice was so filled with love and melancholy that Kurt grinned. “They grow up fast, don’t they?”
“Too fast. She’s been with me for less than a year and now I can’t remember a time without her. She’s changed my life.”
Kurt patted Keith’s shoulder.
“She doesn’t have walls. It’s like she doesn’t have to protect herself from me. I’m trying to be worthy of her trust.”
“You are. You will be.”
Keith sighed. “I hope so.”
Hunter slid across the floor in his socks. “Kurt, Emil says you can dance real well. Will you dance with me?”
Kurt bowed. “It would be my honor.”
Hunter stared at the floor, but he had a smile on his lips.
“Daddy!” yelled Olivia from the top step. “We are almost ready.”
Hunter looked up at Kurt and Keith and then turned as Liam, also in stocking feet, slid into place. “What are we doing?”
“We are waiting for the ladies?”
“Ladies?”
Hadn’t they explained this to Hunter? Or had it only been said in passing? “Casey, Willow, and Olivia went upstairs to put on pretty dresses.”
Olivia hopped down the steps, making too much noise to talk over. She hopped onto the landing and looked around. “Where is Peregrine? I want to dance with him first.”
Peregrine appeared out of the ballroom. Emil, behind him, carried a notebook and pencil, so Peregrine must have been sketching. He met Olivia at the bottom step, spun her around, and then led her into the ballroom. Willow was next. She wore a full, greenish blue skirt and a white sweater-set. Her wig today was shoulder length pony tail. She looked like she’s just stepped out of a fifties dance.
Hunter pressed against Kurt. Kurt patted his back. “This is just Willow. She likes to dress up to dance.”
“Skirts are more swishy and fun.” Willow’s skirt made noise as she swished it. Liam took her hand and they danced away.
Hunter relaxed as he watched them go. “They look like they are having fun.”
Casey walked down the stairs. After Hunter’s reaction to Willow, Kurt feared what he’s say when he saw Casey, but he just smiled. “Does your skirt make noise too?”
Casey swished his skirt around.
Hunter laughed.
“If you want one, Willow can set you up.”
Hunter looked at the floor. Casey smiled. “Maybe some other time. Gentlemen.”
Kurt put out his hand first and Casey took it. It was starting to be a tradition that they dance the first dance together. After that Kurt danced with Olivia, Emil, Willow, Peregrine, Emil, Hunter for half a song, and then Emil.
Willow had tied scarves to Hunter and Emil’s waists, so they swished around when Kurt spun them. Once Peregrine and the kids disappeared into the living room, Kurt relaxed in Emil’s arms.
When the next song started Kurt turned just a bit and took Emil’s left hand in his right and put his left on Emil’s shoulder. “I love being in your arms.”
Emil smiled and slid his hand onto Kurt’s shoulder blade. “I love holding you.”
And they danced around the room until the music ended for the night.
--
Peregrine looked up from his sketch book when Olivia sighed. She sighed again. “What dress should I wear tomorrow? I want to wear this one; it’s my favorite, but Casey says our dresses will stay prettier longer if we take care of them. Wearing one three days in a row isn’t taking care of it.”
“We will meet in a park. We will have blankets to sit on, but you might want to pick something that isn’t white. What about your pink dress and I’ll wear my tie that matches?”
Olivia smiled, jumped to her feet, and dashed off, but reappeared a second later. “What nightgown should I wear?”
“Your prettiest one, of course.”
She grinned and fled.
“So she’s really going to stay with you?” Hunter didn’t look up from his drawing.
“Yes. In Kurt’s office with the bathroom right by it. Someday, Kurt’s office will be where my studio is and people can stay in there too.”
“But not yet?”
Was Hunter asking for an invitation? Peregrine would be willing, but he wasn’t sure Hunter was ready for that yet. Maybe after he stopped believing that he had to repay favors with his body. That wasn’t a scene he wanted his men exposed to. “Not yet. To get to our bathroom, we have to walk through my studio. That wouldn’t be fair to someone sleeping in there.”
Hunter shivered. Poor kid.
Olivia came back, carrying two pairs of pretty shoes. “Which one?”
“That depends on the dress.”
“Then I’ll go get my dress, so you can see.”
After Peregrine had helped Olivia with all her packing, she decided she would take a bath now so she wouldn’t need one in the morning. He promised not to leave without her and sent her upstairs.
Hunter, who had spent the last twenty minutes staring into the ballroom, sat by Peregrine and bit his lip. Peregrine jotted the time and date on the corner of his page in case this was going to be one of those conversations that he needed to report to Andre.
Hunter rubbed his hands on his jeans. “Kurt and Emil are dancing.”
“They like to dance.”
“Emil had his hand on Kurt’s back.”
“Emil must be leading then.”
“It’s not weird?”
“For Emil to lead sometimes? Because he’s smaller?”
Hunter nodded.
Peregrine took Hunter’s hand in his. “We aren’t women, and even if we were it wouldn’t matter. Who says to tall person or the man had to lead? What about a short man and a tall woman? Who should lead then? Dancing isn’t sexist if we don’t make it so.”
“But what…?”
This was indeed going to be one of those conversations. “I lead. I’m smaller but I have the biggest ego. I lead my two lovers with the force of my personality alone. Size, age, and socio-economic class should not force anyone into any position. Emil is younger. Sometime he leads, on the dance floor, in daily life, and in bed. Kurt, the tallest, richest of us, likes to follow. He wants to be held and coddled sometimes. Not all the time, because he likes to care for and protect us, but the point is that he gets to decide. Just like you get to decide.”
Hunter stared at his feet. He opened his mouth and closed it.
“You also get to decide if you are going to dance at all.”
Hunter squeezed Peregrine’s hand.
“No one has the right to make you do something or do something to you that makes uncomfortable, even if it something you’ve done a thousand times before. Even if it’s someone you really like. Like JJ.”
Hunter leaned his head against Peregrine’s arm. “Are you sure?”
“Very sure. I say no to my lovers all the time. They don’t get angry with me.”
“Good.” Hunter relaxed against Peregrine side and a few minutes later he was making soft sleeping noises. The poor kid.
Peregrine tried to get a better view of the man looking in the mirror in the picture that he’d started today then he walked through what else Ivory’s portrait would need and was making a list of things to do for Zan and Autumn when the music stopped in the other room.
Willow smiled at them as she carried Olivia back upstairs to dry her hair more thoroughly. Emil sat on the arm of Peregrine’s couch holding the sketch book. Peregrine shook his head. “I don’t want to wake him yet.”
Emil grinned and followed Kurt into the other room. Peregrine could hear their voices, but not the words, as they talked to Keith and Casey.
They’d let this poor little boy sleep in peace and security for the first time in who knows how long. But the next time, hopefully, wouldn’t be too far into his future.
--
Emil filled a glass with water for Olivia to keep by her bed. Peregrine was telling her a story as she sat on Kurt lap on the couch. Emil tried not to fill jealousy. As a kid he’d found the best way to keep ungrateful thoughts at bay was to bestow a lot of attention on the one stealing everyone else’s.
That plan was working fine as well as it went. He’d made Olivia’s bed and, as they didn’t yet have a twin sized comforter, he’d folded his and Peregrine’s old quilt on top. He’d laid out her clothes for the next day, made sure they had ingredients for a pancake breakfast, and popped over to the store across the street to get extra butter and yet she was still milking Peregrine and Kurt’s attention for all she was worth.
Emil shouldn’t feel this way. Olivia was a child — a child who was spending her first night ever over at her favorite person’s house. Emil should feel sorry for her that she didn’t have friends whose mothers would let her stay over. He’d been one of those inferior foster kids that other mothers didn’t want their kids associating with and he hadn’t had the extra difficulties and discriminations Olivia dealt with every day.
But she wasn’t just stealing their attention tonight, they were going to take her with them to church tomorrow.
Emil sighed and straightened his shoulders. He wasn’t going to feel sorry for himself any more.
Easier, of course, said than done.
He walked out into the living room. “Shouldn’t she be in bed? It’s almost midnight.”
If Hunter hadn’t had a curfew, they might still be at Dad’s, but Olivia’s bedtime was nine thirty on the weekends. She must be exhausted.
“Sorry,” Kurt set Olivia on her feet. “She was waiting for you to get back.”
Olivia looked at Emil with her bright innocent eyes and he felt that he had a heart of coal. She deserved none of his hard feelings. “Good night, Princess.”
“Night.” She smiled and ducked her head.
Kurt kissed her cheek and turned her toward the bedroom door. “Good night, girly.”
She laughed and ran to Peregrine and took his hand. He led her into the bedroom. Emil walked back into the kitchen. As much as the other two might get along with children, he didn’t want any permanently living in his house.
Kurt’s warm body pressed against Emil’s back and his strong arms wrapped around Emil. “Bedtime for us too.”
“We’ll have to wear clothes to bed.”
“And why’s that?”
Because Emil wasn’t sure he wanted to be touched right now as much as he craved it. “We don’t have a lock on the bedroom door. And to get to the bathroom, we have to walk through the living room.”
Kurt sighed. “I can’t wait until the other condo comes through.”
“I’ll get ready first.” He pulled out of Kurt’s arms.
He hunted up his thickest, most body-covering pajamas, carried them into the bathroom, and locked the door. He hadn’t worn the bottoms in ages— since before they’d stop needing space heater in the apartment back in spring. He might not have ever worn the top. Peregrine had a time or two, but it no longer smelled like him. Emil felt like a frumpy fifties housewife. All he needed as his hair in rollers.
He brushed out his hair and braided it. He didn’t want anyone running their hands through it.
Kurt eyed his getup when Emil opened the bathroom door, but he didn’t say anything. But as Emil brushed past him, Kurt caught Emil’s hand and brought it to his lips for a second before letting go. Emil smiled. Kurt loved him.
Peregrine puttered around the bedroom. Emil wasn’t quite ready to face him yet. Wearing these heavy pjs had been a stupid idea. He walked into the kitchen. What could he do to keep himself busy for the next few minutes?
A door creaked open — how had Emil never noticed that the guest bedroom door needed oiled — and Olivia threw herself on the couch with her chin resting on the back. “Brother.”
She must mean Emil. He turned towards her. “Sister.”
She grinned then hid her face in the couch cushion. Peregrine stood at the bedroom door in his sleep shorts and a t-shirt that had to have been Kurt’s. He swam in it. But he didn’t come out or even let Olivia — whose back was to him — know he was watching.
This was up to Emil. “I thought you were supposed to be in bed.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
Maybe if she couldn’t sleep here, he should just take her home. “Did you give yourself a chance?”
She shook her head, setting her curls bouncing. “I have to know.”
“Know what?”
“Do you…” She pressed her mouth against the back couch cushion. Her eyes were too expressive. Emil wanted to reassure her and he didn’t even know what she was worried about. “Do you… do you hate me?”
“No.” Emil felt his face heat. Kurt was watching him now too. “What gave you that idea?”
“But you don’t like me?”
“Now that’s not true either.” He walked over to the couch and got on his knees behind it, so that his head was level with Olivia’s. “Have I been being mean?”
He hadn’t wanted her to read his feeling. He’d only wanted Kurt and Peregrine to notice.
Olivia shook her head. “Only I’ve been feeling…”
She petered out like words couldn’t express her feelings. Emil empathized. “Olivia, do you remember living in a home and the new kid would come and your foster parents would gush over how cute and sweet he was and make you feel like a big, gangly off that could do anything right?”
Olivia nodded. “But sometimes I was the small, cute one.”
Emil nodded. Of course she would have been. “And you know the other kids didn’t ignore or tease you because they didn’t like you.”
“They didn’t?”
“No, they just didn’t like how much attention you got. Remember until you arrived every minute spent on you had gone to someone else.”
Olivia nodded. “A baby came to say at a home once and the mom seemed to forget I was there.”
“But you didn’t hate the baby.”
“No!” Olivia mimed holding a doll. “She was so cute and sweet, but they wouldn’t let me touch her. I got moved right after that.”
“And if Hunter comes to live with you, you won’t hate him either.”
“I love Hunter. He’s going to come live with me and Daddy and Casey and Willow and Liam.”
“But he’s going to take some of Dad’s attention.”
“But Daddy has enough love for me and you and Willow and Liam and the others. And too Casey, but that’s a different kind of love.”
“True, because Dad is a great guy. But sometimes even when we know we are loved, we don’t always feel like it.”
“And you don’t feel loved.”
Emil had walked right into that one.
“Sometimes.”
Huge warm hand clasp onto Emil’s shoulder. “Bedtime is when we normally give Emil lots of attention.”
Emil put a hand onto Kurt’s.
“But tonight you gave it to me?” Olivia pouted and curled up on herself. “I’m sorry I didn’t go to bed right away like I promised Daddy I would.”
Emil patted Olivia’s head. “It’s all right. Just remember when Hunter unintentionally steals all Dad’s attention.”
“But I meant to do it. I like attention.”
“We all do.” Kurt lifted Olivia off the couch over Emil’s head then carried her into the guest bedroom.
Peregrine took Emil’s hand and dragged him into the bedroom. “You could have joined us on the couch. Kurt talked about his nieces and I told Olivia about my sister and that I never met her baby. She says I’m crazy.”
If Emil would have been in a better mood he might have teasingly agreed with her. “Lúthien. And she’s Olivia’s age. Not a baby anymore.”
“Time flies.” Peregrine stopped by the bed. “You don’t mean to tell me that Éowen took after our parents when it came to names. Please tell me she didn’t name a child Glorfindel or Mithrandir.”
“I can’t make any promises, but the boys are nicknamed Len — with an e — Les and Dan.”
Peregrine tossed himself on the bed. “What are they short for, I wonder. I won’t be able to sleep until I’ve looked it up, but Olivia’s sleeping in the room with the books.”
Kurt walked in. “I think I got her down this time.”
Peregrine closed his eyes. “I hope she stays that way. Pull something in front of the door, would you? And no sex tonight.
Kurt pouted as he pulled a chest from the end of the bed. “Even with something in front of the door?”
“Even if we had blessed locks. Worst case, she hears us, walks in, tells her therapist, and we get a nice long talk with a policeman for letting a kid see something she shouldn’t. Best case, she hears us, decided she needs attention, and interrupts us by knocking.”
Kurt sat on the bed. “Does she interrupt Keith and Casey? Or Willow and Liam?”
Peregrine got up and pulled back the covers. “Keith has the whole place soundproofed.”
“Good idea.” Kurt took Emil’s hand. “You’re in the middle tonight.”
Emil shook his head. Just being told they wouldn’t have any made him want sex more than ever. Being between them would only make it worse.
Kurt picked him up and set him in the middle of the bed before getting in himself. “Bedtime. I want to cuddle for a while if you don’t mind.”
“What if we do?” asked Peregrine.
“Peregrine!”
“Sorry, sorry.” Peregrine leaned over and kissed Emil on the cheek and Kurt on the forehead. “Good night.”
He turned off the light.
The reflection of the city lights through the window lit up the room enough to see by. They really needed curtains.
Kurt tugged Emil closer and breathed against Emil’s neck. Peregrine laid a hand on Emil’s arm. And with the minimum of wiggling Emil settled comfortably between them. With just Peregrine he’d gone weeks without sex sometimes. He got much more than that now. And maybe a peaceful sleep that didn’t begin or end with heavy exercise was good for a body and a relationship. As long as it didn’t happen too often.
I’m going to finish, mostly because I want to know how it ends, but all the other stories I’ve written/am working on may never see the light of day — even the ones that cross paths with this one — unless I can get the motivation to work on Harmonies more often.
Title: Sleep in Peace
Series: A Balance of Harmonies (Three)
Status: Chapter forty-nine of more than a few
Genre: m/m romance, drama, city life, businessmen
Rating: R
Content: dancing, ladies, switching, choices, questions, sleep, jealousy, frumpiness, talking it out, cuddling
Length: about 3,200 words
Summary: Kurt introduces Hunter to the ladies. Peregrine has a conversation. Emil remembers being a child.
Master list
Kurt stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for the ladies to arrive. Emil and Liam were showing off some swing dance steps for Hunter. He’d been assured that he didn’t have to dance, but if he’s wanted to, he could. Hunter’s laugher joined the other two’s. Keith grinned. “I hope to hear more of that.”
Kurt nodded.
Olivia appeared at the top of the steps. She was in a dark wig that was almost as long as her dress. Kurt waved up at her. She blushed and disappeared.
“My sweet little girl.”
Keith’s voice was so filled with love and melancholy that Kurt grinned. “They grow up fast, don’t they?”
“Too fast. She’s been with me for less than a year and now I can’t remember a time without her. She’s changed my life.”
Kurt patted Keith’s shoulder.
“She doesn’t have walls. It’s like she doesn’t have to protect herself from me. I’m trying to be worthy of her trust.”
“You are. You will be.”
Keith sighed. “I hope so.”
Hunter slid across the floor in his socks. “Kurt, Emil says you can dance real well. Will you dance with me?”
Kurt bowed. “It would be my honor.”
Hunter stared at the floor, but he had a smile on his lips.
“Daddy!” yelled Olivia from the top step. “We are almost ready.”
Hunter looked up at Kurt and Keith and then turned as Liam, also in stocking feet, slid into place. “What are we doing?”
“We are waiting for the ladies?”
“Ladies?”
Hadn’t they explained this to Hunter? Or had it only been said in passing? “Casey, Willow, and Olivia went upstairs to put on pretty dresses.”
Olivia hopped down the steps, making too much noise to talk over. She hopped onto the landing and looked around. “Where is Peregrine? I want to dance with him first.”
Peregrine appeared out of the ballroom. Emil, behind him, carried a notebook and pencil, so Peregrine must have been sketching. He met Olivia at the bottom step, spun her around, and then led her into the ballroom. Willow was next. She wore a full, greenish blue skirt and a white sweater-set. Her wig today was shoulder length pony tail. She looked like she’s just stepped out of a fifties dance.
Hunter pressed against Kurt. Kurt patted his back. “This is just Willow. She likes to dress up to dance.”
“Skirts are more swishy and fun.” Willow’s skirt made noise as she swished it. Liam took her hand and they danced away.
Hunter relaxed as he watched them go. “They look like they are having fun.”
Casey walked down the stairs. After Hunter’s reaction to Willow, Kurt feared what he’s say when he saw Casey, but he just smiled. “Does your skirt make noise too?”
Casey swished his skirt around.
Hunter laughed.
“If you want one, Willow can set you up.”
Hunter looked at the floor. Casey smiled. “Maybe some other time. Gentlemen.”
Kurt put out his hand first and Casey took it. It was starting to be a tradition that they dance the first dance together. After that Kurt danced with Olivia, Emil, Willow, Peregrine, Emil, Hunter for half a song, and then Emil.
Willow had tied scarves to Hunter and Emil’s waists, so they swished around when Kurt spun them. Once Peregrine and the kids disappeared into the living room, Kurt relaxed in Emil’s arms.
When the next song started Kurt turned just a bit and took Emil’s left hand in his right and put his left on Emil’s shoulder. “I love being in your arms.”
Emil smiled and slid his hand onto Kurt’s shoulder blade. “I love holding you.”
And they danced around the room until the music ended for the night.
--
Peregrine looked up from his sketch book when Olivia sighed. She sighed again. “What dress should I wear tomorrow? I want to wear this one; it’s my favorite, but Casey says our dresses will stay prettier longer if we take care of them. Wearing one three days in a row isn’t taking care of it.”
“We will meet in a park. We will have blankets to sit on, but you might want to pick something that isn’t white. What about your pink dress and I’ll wear my tie that matches?”
Olivia smiled, jumped to her feet, and dashed off, but reappeared a second later. “What nightgown should I wear?”
“Your prettiest one, of course.”
She grinned and fled.
“So she’s really going to stay with you?” Hunter didn’t look up from his drawing.
“Yes. In Kurt’s office with the bathroom right by it. Someday, Kurt’s office will be where my studio is and people can stay in there too.”
“But not yet?”
Was Hunter asking for an invitation? Peregrine would be willing, but he wasn’t sure Hunter was ready for that yet. Maybe after he stopped believing that he had to repay favors with his body. That wasn’t a scene he wanted his men exposed to. “Not yet. To get to our bathroom, we have to walk through my studio. That wouldn’t be fair to someone sleeping in there.”
Hunter shivered. Poor kid.
Olivia came back, carrying two pairs of pretty shoes. “Which one?”
“That depends on the dress.”
“Then I’ll go get my dress, so you can see.”
After Peregrine had helped Olivia with all her packing, she decided she would take a bath now so she wouldn’t need one in the morning. He promised not to leave without her and sent her upstairs.
Hunter, who had spent the last twenty minutes staring into the ballroom, sat by Peregrine and bit his lip. Peregrine jotted the time and date on the corner of his page in case this was going to be one of those conversations that he needed to report to Andre.
Hunter rubbed his hands on his jeans. “Kurt and Emil are dancing.”
“They like to dance.”
“Emil had his hand on Kurt’s back.”
“Emil must be leading then.”
“It’s not weird?”
“For Emil to lead sometimes? Because he’s smaller?”
Hunter nodded.
Peregrine took Hunter’s hand in his. “We aren’t women, and even if we were it wouldn’t matter. Who says to tall person or the man had to lead? What about a short man and a tall woman? Who should lead then? Dancing isn’t sexist if we don’t make it so.”
“But what…?”
This was indeed going to be one of those conversations. “I lead. I’m smaller but I have the biggest ego. I lead my two lovers with the force of my personality alone. Size, age, and socio-economic class should not force anyone into any position. Emil is younger. Sometime he leads, on the dance floor, in daily life, and in bed. Kurt, the tallest, richest of us, likes to follow. He wants to be held and coddled sometimes. Not all the time, because he likes to care for and protect us, but the point is that he gets to decide. Just like you get to decide.”
Hunter stared at his feet. He opened his mouth and closed it.
“You also get to decide if you are going to dance at all.”
Hunter squeezed Peregrine’s hand.
“No one has the right to make you do something or do something to you that makes uncomfortable, even if it something you’ve done a thousand times before. Even if it’s someone you really like. Like JJ.”
Hunter leaned his head against Peregrine’s arm. “Are you sure?”
“Very sure. I say no to my lovers all the time. They don’t get angry with me.”
“Good.” Hunter relaxed against Peregrine side and a few minutes later he was making soft sleeping noises. The poor kid.
Peregrine tried to get a better view of the man looking in the mirror in the picture that he’d started today then he walked through what else Ivory’s portrait would need and was making a list of things to do for Zan and Autumn when the music stopped in the other room.
Willow smiled at them as she carried Olivia back upstairs to dry her hair more thoroughly. Emil sat on the arm of Peregrine’s couch holding the sketch book. Peregrine shook his head. “I don’t want to wake him yet.”
Emil grinned and followed Kurt into the other room. Peregrine could hear their voices, but not the words, as they talked to Keith and Casey.
They’d let this poor little boy sleep in peace and security for the first time in who knows how long. But the next time, hopefully, wouldn’t be too far into his future.
--
Emil filled a glass with water for Olivia to keep by her bed. Peregrine was telling her a story as she sat on Kurt lap on the couch. Emil tried not to fill jealousy. As a kid he’d found the best way to keep ungrateful thoughts at bay was to bestow a lot of attention on the one stealing everyone else’s.
That plan was working fine as well as it went. He’d made Olivia’s bed and, as they didn’t yet have a twin sized comforter, he’d folded his and Peregrine’s old quilt on top. He’d laid out her clothes for the next day, made sure they had ingredients for a pancake breakfast, and popped over to the store across the street to get extra butter and yet she was still milking Peregrine and Kurt’s attention for all she was worth.
Emil shouldn’t feel this way. Olivia was a child — a child who was spending her first night ever over at her favorite person’s house. Emil should feel sorry for her that she didn’t have friends whose mothers would let her stay over. He’d been one of those inferior foster kids that other mothers didn’t want their kids associating with and he hadn’t had the extra difficulties and discriminations Olivia dealt with every day.
But she wasn’t just stealing their attention tonight, they were going to take her with them to church tomorrow.
Emil sighed and straightened his shoulders. He wasn’t going to feel sorry for himself any more.
Easier, of course, said than done.
He walked out into the living room. “Shouldn’t she be in bed? It’s almost midnight.”
If Hunter hadn’t had a curfew, they might still be at Dad’s, but Olivia’s bedtime was nine thirty on the weekends. She must be exhausted.
“Sorry,” Kurt set Olivia on her feet. “She was waiting for you to get back.”
Olivia looked at Emil with her bright innocent eyes and he felt that he had a heart of coal. She deserved none of his hard feelings. “Good night, Princess.”
“Night.” She smiled and ducked her head.
Kurt kissed her cheek and turned her toward the bedroom door. “Good night, girly.”
She laughed and ran to Peregrine and took his hand. He led her into the bedroom. Emil walked back into the kitchen. As much as the other two might get along with children, he didn’t want any permanently living in his house.
Kurt’s warm body pressed against Emil’s back and his strong arms wrapped around Emil. “Bedtime for us too.”
“We’ll have to wear clothes to bed.”
“And why’s that?”
Because Emil wasn’t sure he wanted to be touched right now as much as he craved it. “We don’t have a lock on the bedroom door. And to get to the bathroom, we have to walk through the living room.”
Kurt sighed. “I can’t wait until the other condo comes through.”
“I’ll get ready first.” He pulled out of Kurt’s arms.
He hunted up his thickest, most body-covering pajamas, carried them into the bathroom, and locked the door. He hadn’t worn the bottoms in ages— since before they’d stop needing space heater in the apartment back in spring. He might not have ever worn the top. Peregrine had a time or two, but it no longer smelled like him. Emil felt like a frumpy fifties housewife. All he needed as his hair in rollers.
He brushed out his hair and braided it. He didn’t want anyone running their hands through it.
Kurt eyed his getup when Emil opened the bathroom door, but he didn’t say anything. But as Emil brushed past him, Kurt caught Emil’s hand and brought it to his lips for a second before letting go. Emil smiled. Kurt loved him.
Peregrine puttered around the bedroom. Emil wasn’t quite ready to face him yet. Wearing these heavy pjs had been a stupid idea. He walked into the kitchen. What could he do to keep himself busy for the next few minutes?
A door creaked open — how had Emil never noticed that the guest bedroom door needed oiled — and Olivia threw herself on the couch with her chin resting on the back. “Brother.”
She must mean Emil. He turned towards her. “Sister.”
She grinned then hid her face in the couch cushion. Peregrine stood at the bedroom door in his sleep shorts and a t-shirt that had to have been Kurt’s. He swam in it. But he didn’t come out or even let Olivia — whose back was to him — know he was watching.
This was up to Emil. “I thought you were supposed to be in bed.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
Maybe if she couldn’t sleep here, he should just take her home. “Did you give yourself a chance?”
She shook her head, setting her curls bouncing. “I have to know.”
“Know what?”
“Do you…” She pressed her mouth against the back couch cushion. Her eyes were too expressive. Emil wanted to reassure her and he didn’t even know what she was worried about. “Do you… do you hate me?”
“No.” Emil felt his face heat. Kurt was watching him now too. “What gave you that idea?”
“But you don’t like me?”
“Now that’s not true either.” He walked over to the couch and got on his knees behind it, so that his head was level with Olivia’s. “Have I been being mean?”
He hadn’t wanted her to read his feeling. He’d only wanted Kurt and Peregrine to notice.
Olivia shook her head. “Only I’ve been feeling…”
She petered out like words couldn’t express her feelings. Emil empathized. “Olivia, do you remember living in a home and the new kid would come and your foster parents would gush over how cute and sweet he was and make you feel like a big, gangly off that could do anything right?”
Olivia nodded. “But sometimes I was the small, cute one.”
Emil nodded. Of course she would have been. “And you know the other kids didn’t ignore or tease you because they didn’t like you.”
“They didn’t?”
“No, they just didn’t like how much attention you got. Remember until you arrived every minute spent on you had gone to someone else.”
Olivia nodded. “A baby came to say at a home once and the mom seemed to forget I was there.”
“But you didn’t hate the baby.”
“No!” Olivia mimed holding a doll. “She was so cute and sweet, but they wouldn’t let me touch her. I got moved right after that.”
“And if Hunter comes to live with you, you won’t hate him either.”
“I love Hunter. He’s going to come live with me and Daddy and Casey and Willow and Liam.”
“But he’s going to take some of Dad’s attention.”
“But Daddy has enough love for me and you and Willow and Liam and the others. And too Casey, but that’s a different kind of love.”
“True, because Dad is a great guy. But sometimes even when we know we are loved, we don’t always feel like it.”
“And you don’t feel loved.”
Emil had walked right into that one.
“Sometimes.”
Huge warm hand clasp onto Emil’s shoulder. “Bedtime is when we normally give Emil lots of attention.”
Emil put a hand onto Kurt’s.
“But tonight you gave it to me?” Olivia pouted and curled up on herself. “I’m sorry I didn’t go to bed right away like I promised Daddy I would.”
Emil patted Olivia’s head. “It’s all right. Just remember when Hunter unintentionally steals all Dad’s attention.”
“But I meant to do it. I like attention.”
“We all do.” Kurt lifted Olivia off the couch over Emil’s head then carried her into the guest bedroom.
Peregrine took Emil’s hand and dragged him into the bedroom. “You could have joined us on the couch. Kurt talked about his nieces and I told Olivia about my sister and that I never met her baby. She says I’m crazy.”
If Emil would have been in a better mood he might have teasingly agreed with her. “Lúthien. And she’s Olivia’s age. Not a baby anymore.”
“Time flies.” Peregrine stopped by the bed. “You don’t mean to tell me that Éowen took after our parents when it came to names. Please tell me she didn’t name a child Glorfindel or Mithrandir.”
“I can’t make any promises, but the boys are nicknamed Len — with an e — Les and Dan.”
Peregrine tossed himself on the bed. “What are they short for, I wonder. I won’t be able to sleep until I’ve looked it up, but Olivia’s sleeping in the room with the books.”
Kurt walked in. “I think I got her down this time.”
Peregrine closed his eyes. “I hope she stays that way. Pull something in front of the door, would you? And no sex tonight.
Kurt pouted as he pulled a chest from the end of the bed. “Even with something in front of the door?”
“Even if we had blessed locks. Worst case, she hears us, walks in, tells her therapist, and we get a nice long talk with a policeman for letting a kid see something she shouldn’t. Best case, she hears us, decided she needs attention, and interrupts us by knocking.”
Kurt sat on the bed. “Does she interrupt Keith and Casey? Or Willow and Liam?”
Peregrine got up and pulled back the covers. “Keith has the whole place soundproofed.”
“Good idea.” Kurt took Emil’s hand. “You’re in the middle tonight.”
Emil shook his head. Just being told they wouldn’t have any made him want sex more than ever. Being between them would only make it worse.
Kurt picked him up and set him in the middle of the bed before getting in himself. “Bedtime. I want to cuddle for a while if you don’t mind.”
“What if we do?” asked Peregrine.
“Peregrine!”
“Sorry, sorry.” Peregrine leaned over and kissed Emil on the cheek and Kurt on the forehead. “Good night.”
He turned off the light.
The reflection of the city lights through the window lit up the room enough to see by. They really needed curtains.
Kurt tugged Emil closer and breathed against Emil’s neck. Peregrine laid a hand on Emil’s arm. And with the minimum of wiggling Emil settled comfortably between them. With just Peregrine he’d gone weeks without sex sometimes. He got much more than that now. And maybe a peaceful sleep that didn’t begin or end with heavy exercise was good for a body and a relationship. As long as it didn’t happen too often.
